woo-ing vs reality

DAY 13 “what a difference a day makes…” Or does it?

For me, it’s been a while since I spoke to any guy who shares interests with me, is interested in what my face looks like and how I speak. So I suppose the experiment has begun to suck me in. It’s refreshing to talk, or email in my case, to someone and feel a small glimmer of enthusiasm about communicating with them.  It’s handy being matched with people because it takes out the monotony and effort that very often comes along with communicating with the opposite sex.  And I know both men and women would agree with me.

At least for the last year, talking to most men has become tedious and exasperating, apart from in a strictly friendly and benign manner. It usually comes to light pretty quickly that I have nothing in common with them, apart from the fact that we are the same species and that we are in the same country. This never puts them off ‘cos they just want to get in my knickers and it’s usually on a drunken Saturday night so it’s generally just blithering rather than chat of any note.

That got dull. Besides, nobody tells you this: one-night stands are fun until you find yourself in a panic in a doctor’s office.  And that’s another thing. Boys, drunken boys in particular, are generally lazy, un-gentlemenly and view protection as some arbitrary fun –dampener. Idiots. Now I can tick off ‘a sense of social responsibility’ from the article.

I appreciate the little things in life (recommended to pessimists everywhere), so however incoherent, hyperactive and perhaps even pointless this exchange may prove to be, I’m just enjoying communicating without the main topic turning to- ‘Hey, I got summat magic for you and I’m open for biz. Do you want to come back to mine?’ That’s a little more difficult to get away with online without alcohol and dark corners.

Although, it seems that my safe little world of doilies and cross-polination, has finally been soiled by a bloke with a phone, a few drinks and a habit for getting naked. Said bloke sent me a photo of him cooking in the buff.  Maybe he thought I’d find it funny, or he (clearly) has problems talking to women, or he just wants to make it obvious he just wants sex. I thought he just wanted sex; and there’s Nothing wrong with that if that’s what you’re up for.

However I’m not in the habit of sending or receiving sexts or pics with just anyone. Maybe with a long term boyfriend but that’s just me. Think about it, they could use that for anything. I am a fucking lady and I deserve better than the presumption of a naked photo.

And we are ladies! And here comes the old taboo. Women also want sex just as much as men. We just (appear to) care more about who we do it with – or at least it seems that way to me, feel free to correct me with rage and indignation on behalf of your gentlemanly selves. The point I’m trying to make is a lot of ladies out there also don’t want a man to just send them inappropriate photos of themselves as soon as you say hi to each other. It makes you look like a goon. Besides, whatever happened to woo-ing?

So glamour modelling aside, Internet dating could be a really handy tool for breaking old habits and how you view the opposite sex. If you can put the camera down long enough to type a paragraph.

DAY 14

 I have had two messages from two different men. One has offered me his number, the other has asked for mine. I’m a cyber slut, playing two holographic dates off each other.

To the issue, if there is one, of giving my phone number out to essentially strangers, over the Internet. Obviously I’m aware that interweb dating is getting more and more popular but surely this goes through every novice’s head? They say that serial killers used to be someone’s next door neighbour. As this is a dating ‘service’, one reason not to give my number out would be to make full use of the service I’ve paid for from the safety of profile and continue with my hidden details. Surely I should get to know these people a little bit before handing over my number to a potential Norman Bates.

This begs the question- How do we survive in the real world?! It’s the norm to meet people in person and get to know them on a far more intimate level, rather than by exchanging tightly controlled greetings, questions and emails. You may meet some person in a bar that you’re physically attracted to and exchange a couple of witty words of banter, then deciding you might like to spend an evening in their company to find out if they are said Bates character. But you don’t know them. You don’t know what makes them tick, you haven’t talked and yet you’ve decided you want to go on a date with this person.

We are, naturally, far more cautious in the web-dating world, and yet you ‘talk’ a lot more, ask more questions and get to know them quicker because it’s not a conventional mode of acquaintance. We act with so much suspicion over e-dating, and yet by the time, if, you get to meeting this person in the flesh, you actually, supposedly, know much more about whether they are a psycho or not than you would if you met them in a bar and wanted to go on a date. The crux of the matter is whether you feel that this drains the situation of romance and mystery, and how much that matters to you as an individual.

Exchanging and using numbers, calling & texting makes it all seem real. It’s a bit scary really- it means that you’re actually interacting with a human and it changes the gear of communication between you and the other person from cyber-imaginary-flirtations to reality.  Scary, but exciting.